Expressing Myself

I had a lot of grief for my nana, Phyllis Jean Chase (Trail) but I was not mourning and that made me feel crazy, permanently depressed without any joy or hope for the future. My life had no meaning and I came to a pathetic stop. I had so much pain in my body too and it wasn't until I went to Edmonton to see my aunty Sherry that I realized I wasn't dealing with my grief at all! She read to me Dr. Wolfelt's book and that spoke to me. She also talked to me and encouraged me to express myself and validate what I was feeling and thinking. It was at that point a little spark of hope and light and actual feelings emerged. I had felt nothing but anger at everything in my life and everyone, numbness and only tears at moments I couldn't take anymore. The feeling of that small itty bit of hope changed everything for me and the way I perceived my new world without her. Finally, I even felt closer to my nana because I allowed myself to feel again.