Why?

My whole life I worried about losing my nana. She has always been sick, so despite her not even making age 59, it was expected. But we never really knew when it could happen, it could be 2 months, 2 years, 5 years, there was always this anxiousness in my heart, but years had gone by and I hoped somehow more years would go by. The last time I did Reiki on her I wanted to mourn, cry out loud, rest on her, but I kept it all in to be strong for her. So we laughed like we used to when I did Reiki on her regularly. I felt I had failed her, I couldn't fix her. This is why I originally had to stop reiki altogether. I was upset, angry it couldn't fix something I so badly wanted. even though I knew with my mind that it could not fix something like that. I felt responsible she didn't live longer because while she was still alive, I couldn't and wouldn't give her any more healing sessions. So that last time I had given her one it was closure and I knew it, but I didn't like the results. I didn't give her a chance and even if I couldn't fix her, i realize now that it was the time spent with her that mattered most. I should have continued.

One of the last times I saw her, Amy and I were driving and she suggested to see her, thank God. and I think the last last time, I was in the area and dropped by unannounced, I had to see her, I felt desperate, shortly after, I went to Winnipeg for an Indian Wedding and she died while I was there. I was helpless, I sent her Reiki before she passed away from Winnipeg, I knew she would die that night, so when I woke up hours later, she had and I lost everything.