Remembering

To remember my nana is easy for me. I enjoy it so much, yes, my heart swells, my heart races and my eyes well but it is joyful too. My nana was such a happy person who truly enjoyed life. She loved the simple things. She was always laughing, making practical jokes and saying the strangest sayings that I find naturally bubble out of my mouth forcing me to smile in remembrance, reminding me she lives on through me.

Chocolate Cake, oh she loved chocolate cake, especially the triple chocolate cake from Cheesecake Cafe. And Shrimp was her favorite. We used to eat it together all the time, with butter and lemon pepper. Nana's laugh was always a cackle, so distinctive I can hear it when I think of it. I wish I could record this audible memory as I'm afraid as time goes by I'll slowly forget.

My nana was so special. I loved driving in the car with her listening to music, usually oldies, celine Dion, Enrique Iglesias. Last time we drove around I brought my own CD, it was still in her car after she died.

I still remember when I found out she died, I didn't want to believe, It was so hard, I was throwing up and my mom said to let it out, she felt like doing the same. I've never seen my mom so upset. I wish nana didn't have to die.

**** About to vent about my grandfather

I wish my grandfather/good friend wasn't such an alsdkfj mental alskdjf ...I wish he didn't hurt her and break her heart, I wish he wasn't trying to hurt us too. I hate him so much and its not fair because I used to love him so much, he used to love me, and now I think he's incapable of love. He has left this world mentally and I dont know how to grieve him because he is still alive. I wish he didn't abandon me and not finish teaching me what I need to know. I wish I didn't hate him. I lost both of them.

Despite him, she was strong through it all. She was a woman after all, not just my nana and she had a broken heart, but she had hope and joy and despite the odds against her with her health and happiness in love, she continued to make a difference in someones life everyday. She still makes a difference in mine today.