Our Relationship

My nana for the largest part of my life was like a mother, a friend, a sister, a provider, a guardian. We had a unique relationship, we fought a few times, but we mostly got along. She was that person I told everything to, she was more neutral than a mother could be, more knowledgeable than a friend. She always seemed to have time to listen and she gave good advice. She was always there for me spiritually and emotionally. She made life less serious for me too. She lightened me up. Most of all, I miss telling her everything. She helped me make sense out of everything in this crazy world. She always cared for me, through food, talking, laughing, cooking, baking. I learned a lot, even though I resisted just as much.

I wish I could have told her how much I would miss her when she was gone. I wish I had let her see how wounded I was by her illness, maybe she would have had some advice for me. I miss everything about her, I miss what we did together, I miss the restaurants, the movies, the driving around, going to the bank, the mall, Zellers to look at the candy and talk about the best brands, the prices (I have a distinct memory of her farting in Zellers and blaming me in public!). I remember learning how to make egg salad sandwiches. I miss how she loved buying things for everyone, her toys, her house, her bed, her couch, her tv, everything about when we lived together, strawberries, grocery stores, yogourt bars, talking about the family from her perspective, listening to music together, going to Dairy Queen (she always got a small Strawberry sundae while I'd be gorging myself on a parfait or blizzard). she LOVED mustard and put it on everything, and she made the best lemon tarts. She also loved tomatoes! cherry tomatoes, regular tomatoes, canned tomatoes, tomato soup, ketchup on her toast! haha

I remember the way she smacked her lips when she tasted something good, her socks rolled down half way, her hair, her stare, her breathing, her smell, her height, her soft soft cheeks.